Now That Cupid Shot At Me… | Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes

Valentine’s Day can be a cause for humor just as much as love, affection and all that other serious stuff.

Below are some quotes for those, whether involved or single, who may want to present or view Valentine’s Day from a more comical perspective.

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About Being in a Relationship

  • If I knew true love was going to be like this, when Cupid shot at me I would have defended myself and shot back.
  • In my heart, I truly love Valentine’s Day, but it seems my bank account hates the damn out of it.
  • My sweetheart dumped me a short time ago, so this Valentine’s Day I will truly celebrate.
  • My partner is very hard to please and often does not appreciate the things I do for her, so this year I decided to buy a Valentine’s Day gift for myself.
  • This year, I made up my mind to show my sweetheart how I truly feel by buying her a bouquet of poison ivy.
  • I want you to live a long, healthy life that I may partake of your love for decades to come. Owing to that, this Valentine’s Day I bought you some broccoli instead of chocolate.
  • I would rather sacrifice today and make you happy rather than sacrifice the next year explaining to you why I didn’t.
Side by side forever and ever.
Side by side forever and ever.
  • I’m not gay or anything, but I would rather spend Valentine’s Day in the Los Angeles Lakers’ locker room than at dinner with my girlfriend.
  • I love teddy bears and chocolate, but this Valentine’s I am more looking forward to squeezing and devouring you!
  • This Valentine’s Day, I wish to take you to the secret place of our love – that private abode that is only known to your heart and mine – and leave you there while I go out and watch a basketball game.
  • Buying the current victim of your affections a gift for Valentine’s Day is a lot like investing in the stock market.
  • I really wanted to get my special someone a gift this Valentine’s Day, but then all the other special someones would get jealous.
  • There is no way I would rather spend this Valentine’s Day than staring at your beautiful body, reminding myself why I continue to stay in this relationship.
  • You can say more on Valentine’s Day with a box of chocolates and a kind word than you can with just a kind word.
  • I would rather be locked in a cage with a hungry lion and no weapon to defend myself than locked in a room with my girlfriend on Valentine’s Day and no gift to present to her.
  • I am more convinced that Cupid is the god of gambling than the god of love.
  • As an uncaring master deals with his slave, so shall my girlfriend deal with me if I don’t do her right this Valentine’s Day.
  • As a turkey fears Thanksgiving, so is my concern for Valentine’s Day.
  • If you want to see some good old-fashioned bare-knuckle boxing, come to my house this Valentine’s Day after my wife realizes I didn’t buy her any gift.
Love is black and white.
Love is black and white.
  • This beautiful Valentine’s Day, may you be carried away on the wings of Cupid to that special place which is not here.
  • If Cupid ever needed a second job, I’m sure he could get one as a comedian.
  • Since falling in love with you, I’ve come to the conclusion that February 14th should rather be referred to as “Boxing Day”.

About Being Single

  • This Valentine’s Day, I bought the most expensive box of chocolates I ever had in my entire life, and I plan on enjoying each and every one of them.
  • I like being single on Valentine’s Day as it doesn’t put a strain on my pocket. Happy Valentine’s Day to all the single guys out there!
  • Hmm. Whatever I did in my past life must have been so terrible for God to reward me with singlehood this Feast of Saint Valentine.
  • Sad that you are single on Valentine’s Day? Look at the brighter side. At least you don’t have to buy any expensive gifts for anyone.
  • This year, for Valentine’s Day, I am buying all of my friends an arrow-proof vest.
  • Even if I don’t receive the kind of love and admiration that any adult would appreciate on Valentine’s Day, I hope I am at least blessed with some good old fashioned s*x.
  • Since Saint Valentine himself didn’t have a girlfriend, shouldn’t this holiday be a celebration of singlehood?
  • This Valentine’s Day, I finally decided to surprise my sweetheart with a present, but I’m having a difficult time getting advice on the perfect gift for a robot.
  • If Valentine’s Day is part of the establishment, then you can consider me a member of the resistance.
  • As sweets that rot the teeth, so does Valentine’s Day induce vexation in my soul.
  • The happiest Valentine’s days I ever had were when I was a child and didn’t know anything about romantic love.
  • I don’t know whether Valentine’s Day should be declared a national holiday or a national state of emergency.
  • I really wanted to spend this Valentine’s Day with my special someone, but I think somebody already booked that stripper for the night.
  • I was hoping to spend this Valentine’s Day with the woman that I love, but I believe Kim Kardashian is already taken.
  • Where I come from, if a man ran around naked shooting arrows at lovers, he would probably be considered gay.
  • I am convinced the foundation of Valentine’s Day lies in a conspiracy conjured up by a powerful, global secret society made up only of women.
  • Some people have so many Valentines that they should hire a personal assistant just for that day.
  • No matter what date of the year I may actually die on, I would like my funeral to be held on Valentine’s Day.
  • From an economic standpoint, being single is the most profitable way to spend Valentine’s Day.
  • There is a part of me that dies every Valentine’s Day I spend alone, or more accurately perhaps I should say dies laughing.
  • Valentine’s is the day of the year I remember my ex the most. As a result of that, I have decided to refer to it as Halloween.
  • The only time I feel like I am being punished for being free is on Valentine’s Day.
  • I will admit that Valentine’s Day dinners are sweet, but when you’re single the food still tastes the same.
  • People ask if I am going to spend this Valentine’s Day with the love of my life, but I told them this year I will just send my mother a card.
I want the whole world to know.
I want the whole world to know.

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