250 Funny Birthday Wishes that Will Make Them All Smile

Birthdays are joyful occasions! They mark dates in which special people came into this world. The best people that one can be associated with are the ones who appreciate funny things in life. Being able to laugh about situations, even the fact that one is getting older, is a good thing! It is the sign of someone who knows how to handle different occurrences and has a great sense of humor! Of course, teasing should always be handled with care, because you wouldn’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings, let alone on their birthday…

To celebrate the special people you associate with who know not to take life too seriously, one must send them messages that are funny. Located here are messages you can send to friends, women, and men that are humorous and commemorate their special days in the light-hearted ways that suit their personalities.

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Hilarious Birthday Messages for Friends

  • When I looked at the date, I realized that it was your birthday, friend! When I thought about the year in which you were born, I almost fainted! You don’t look a day over a hundred!
  • Today, my friend, you have made me grateful for something…that I’m not the oldest person here!
  • Friend, on this day of the year, many, many years ago, you were born! I guess that’s something!
  • Friend, I hope that a million birthday wishes come true for you! It will match your age!
  • If I tried to count up to your age today, I would go hoarse! Happy Birthday, buddy!
  • Happy Birthday, friend! You were educated in the old ways! The pyramids wouldn’t have been built without you!
  • Happy Birthday to a friend who is unforgettable! Mainly because you are the grayest one here!
  • Before there were maps, people used the stars to guide them. You would know!
Make birthday cakes, not war.
Make birthday cakes, not war.
  • Today friend, you should be glad! You can paint on canvas and not in a cave!
  • On this date friend, you might ache a little more. That is because you are old!
  • Remembering you today, friend, is easy! The sheer number of your years is astounding!
  • Friend, don’t mind me, but ask anyone and they’ll tell you the same: calling you young would be a mistake! A HUGE mistake!
  • Cheers to a friend who can tell me when bread was only five cents!
  • As your friend, I am here to remind you of significant things! Like ‘always save money for retirement’!
  • Friend, some people are obsessed with age! Like me! I can’t believe how old you are!
Never apologize for who you are!!! Happy Birthday.
Never apologize for who you are!!! Happy Birthday.
  • Today, friend, count your blessings, not your years. You don’t have that kind of time!
  • Friend, you really exemplify a phrase, for me! Long in the tooth, comes to mind!
  • Now is the time to tell you what you truly are, friend! An old geezer!
  • Happy Birthday, friend! Age is not a big deal… to me! I’m still young!
  • Happy Birthday, friend! You are as old as you are dear to me!
Happy Birthday! May your day be more beautiful than a unicorn farting rainbows!
Happy Birthday! May your day be more beautiful than a unicorn farting rainbows!
  • Dear friend, I know you know who I am, but I hope you get tons of wishes from all those other vain people on social media who call themselves your ‘friends’, too.
  • I was going to send your gift in the mail, but the mail service said I weighed too much, so here I am.
  • Hey bestie, I know you are sad about your age this year, but no worries- I’m here to blow out your candles for you so you can feel like a real kid again!
  • We have stuck by each other through thick and thin. We’ve been there for each other all these years and we’re still two girls who are better together than apart. That says something, don’t you think? Stay fabulous, babe.
  • Wait, you are how old? Oh jeez, that’s almost dead in doggy years. I’m so glad we met when we’re kids. Happy birthday, bestie.

 

Funny Birthday Messages for a Woman

  • May your hair dye and mascara never run! Happy Birthday, old lady!
  • Cheers to a woman who has been thirty, fifty times!
  • Happy Birthday to an ancient woman! Someday, you will tell me what it was like to build Stonehenge!
  • When you were born, the sun shone… for the very first time!
  • Happy Birthday to the woman who has it all! One hundred years of accumulation would result in that!
  • I love you, girl, and I’m wishing you the best today. However, if you ever blackmail me for any reason, remember I still have those graduation photos of you.
  • Happy Birthday to a friend that has no secrets from me but always fills in her ‘birth date’ field alone.
    Looking at you fills me with hope! A woman can live to be a hundred! Happy Birthday!
    Looking at you fills me with hope! A woman can live to be a hundred!
    • Looking at you fills me with hope! A woman can live to be a hundred!
    • Mirror, mirror, on the wall, pay attention to the question and watch out what you are going to say about this glorious woman’s birthday!
    • Girl, you look amazingly young for your age, but remember we went to school together. Best wishes!
    • Cheers to a woman who has dyed her hair so many times, she doesn’t remember what its original color is!
    Happy Birthday. In dog years this would be heaven for you.
    Happy Birthday. In dog years this would be heaven for you.
    • Here is to all the years that you have been alive, and the cake budget we cut down, just because candles cost a lot! Happy Birthday, woman!
    • There is something that makes you stand out, woman! I know what it is: your age!
    • Today, girl, there are things to marvel at! Like the length of time that you have been here!
    • You are a woman whose very presence makes others happy! Thanks for reminding us that we’re not as old as you!
    • Happy Birthday, woman! Sometimes, I feel like you have been around, forever! (That’s because you have!)
    • Looking at you, woman, reminds me of a simpler time. Like, before there was electricity!
    • Cheers to a woman who stays young! (Only because she lies about her age) Best wishes!
    Cheers to a woman who stays young! (Only because she lies about her age) Happy Birthday!
    Cheers to a woman who stays young! (Only because she lies about her age)

    Funny Happy Birthday Quotes for a Man

    • Cheers to an old man who still thinks he is young! Call it “experience” and enjoy your birthday, anyway!
    • Here is to another year of a receding hairline and holding in that gut!
    • Since the dawn of time, you have been here! Today, is no different!
    • Your beard may be gray, your wrinkles may be deep, but hey, at least there is cake!
    • A man like you deserves to have fond memories of his childhood, recalled to him. Unfortunately, there are no more dinosaurs!
    • Happy Birthday to a man who has witnessed great things! Invention of the wheel, the first cave drawing…
    • Today, you have officially gotten past things! Like youth and hair that isn’t gray! Happy Birthday, man!
    • Today, reflect on the fact that you have been here from the beginning! I mean, the very beginning! Happy Birthday, man!
    What do you mean no cake?
    What do you mean no cake?
    • On this day, some people will tell you that you are still a young man. Those people are liars!
    • Man, you are like a tree in the woods! Old and still managing to stay grounded!
    • Today is a day to ask important questions! Like, ‘who is your dentist’ and ‘do you get your beard dyed’?
    • Cheers to a man who thinks he is still thinks he is young, but isn’t! You have really embraced delusion!
    • As your birthday approaches, you might dread becoming an old man. Don’t worry about that! You already are!
    • Today, you have really achieved something! How does it feel to be the oldest man alive?
    • If someone doesn’t acknowledge your age, then that person is not really looking at you! Happy Birthday, man!
    • Someday, you will tell me how you survived the dinosaurs! Happy Birthday, man!

     

    Hilarious Birthday Messages for your Sister

    • I was going to make a joke about your age, but we’re getting to a time when that would still be TOO cruel, sis! Happiest of birthdays.
    • They say there is always time to plan your future, but today let’s just set a reminder on your phone, right, sister?
    • You are very gifted person; in a race of two people, you would always be the first runner up. So, a very happy birthday to you, sis. May your talents keep shining like this always.
    • Frankly, you look just as young as you were on the first day we met! And imagine I saw you on the first day you were born, little sister!
    May your Birthday be filled with joy - and wine.
    May your Birthday be filled with joy – and wine.
    • You remember how mother used to say to keep our mouths shut unless we had something good to say? Well, it appears I can only say one thing, since the rest would be nonsense: Happy birthday, sis.
    • You never seem to age, so let me remind you how old you really are: you’re old enough to drink, young enough to get pregnant, and just the right age to make something of yourself. So by all means, hurry up before it’s too late! Oh, and, as they say, many happy returns.

     

    Funny Happy Birthday Messages for your Brother

    • This is one of the few days when you can come out of the jungle and act like humans. To celebrate that, I wish you a very happy birthday.
    • I am happy for you today, even though you are adopted and were found in a bin. Wishing you a very happy and prosperous birthday, bro.
    Happy Birthday to you, no one belongs to the zoo.
    Happy Birthday to you, no one belongs to the zoo.
    • Dear bro, I know we don’t always get along, I mean, except when we’re both wasted, but I really want to wish you a very happy birthday. So, I brought beer. You’re welcome.
    • Hey brother, you’re very welcome. You have such a great sister in me, no wonder you turned out so awesome! Have the best birthday ever. We both deserve it.
    • Wishing a happy birthday to my favorite brother of all time- I know you’re my only brother, but still. You’re the best I could ask for all year round.
    • Stellar, rock star, rad, amazing, super awesome, gorgeous- wait, who are we talking about? Oh sorry, that was me. But you’re pretty cool too, bro. Have a very special birthday!

     

    Ludicrous Birthday Messages for your Husband

    • My dear husband, science says that women live longer than men. Since you have lesser birthdays than me, I hope to make each one of them special. Happy birthday, darling.
    • Despite the numerous times you forgot to wish me on my birthday, I have a kind heart and pure soul. So, being gracious enough, I wish you a very happy birthday. May God bless you with a better memory and make you always find your car keys.
    • During our marriage, you promised that we will share everything with me. So I bought you an expensive makeup kit, which you can later share with me. Happy birthday, my love.
    • You have always been the best husband ever. Apart from the fact you are ungrateful, careless, lazy, pompous, dim-witted and too short. Apart from that, you are just perfect. Happy birthday, honey.
    • Babe, as you blow the candles out and make a wish today, I know your wish is for us both to be happy together. So, let’s go on that vacation I’ve always wanted.
    Ooh La la! Happy Birthday to you.
    Ooh La la! Happy Birthday to you.

     

    Funny Birthday Quotes for your Wife

    • So, today is the day you get one more year older. Shouldn’t it be the right time to finally tell me your exact age? Anyway, happy birthday, my love. May you remain this beautiful forever.
    • You keep getting more beautiful with each year passing. For this, I have to give my gratitude to your beautician. Happy birthday, darling. May the cosmetics be with you.
    • Honey, today on your birthday don’t lift a finger. Don’t worry about the messy house or the dishes. It will all be there tomorrow.
    • Babe, did you hear? Someone I absolutely love was born today! It’s YOU! Happy birthday, sweetheart. I loved you from the start and always will.
    • If I could count all the stars to tell you all the many ways you make my life happier and better, I would. But since you didn’t marry a scientist or astronomer, I’m just going to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY so you’re not further disappointed.
    Happy birthday, darling. May the cosmetics be with you.
    Happy birthday, darling. May the cosmetics be with you.

     

    Entertaining Birthday Messages for your Mom

    • Remember the time when I used to wish that you get swapped by my best friend’s mom? Well, not saying that his mom is any less, but I have grown rather fond of you, so stay where you are. Happy birthday, mother. I wish you all the happiness in the world.
    • Dear mother, I know I was never perfect as a kid, and I’m still working on it, but thanks for not dropping me off at the shopping center and leaving me for grabs. I know it crossed your mind. But you’re just too good of a mom.
    • Dear mom, don’t be sad. You’re still so good looking that guys mistake us for sisters. You still got it! Many happy returns.
    • To a mom who wiped my butt, fed me, clothed me and all the rest, you truly are the best. Of course, they tell me all that stuff was your job and came with the package.
    Back in my day people were born on better days!
    Back in my day people were born on better days!

    Funny Happy Birthday Quotes for your Dad

    • Happy birthday, dad. I simply can’t believe that it has been only 30 years since you were 18! May you look this young forever.
    • I wish you keep smiling and showing your teeth like this forever (or as long as you actually have teeth). Wishing you a very happy birthday, dad.
    • Just FYI, my gift to you would be the hell lot of candles I had to buy to match your age. Apart from that, wish you a very happy and prosperous birthday, daddy.
    There was no more space for my candles.
    There was no more space for my candles.
    • Happy happy birthday to the greatest dad, farter, I mean father, and best friend. I love you, dad.
    • Happy birthday, dad. I know I say this enough, but I really appreciate all your patience you’ve had with me. It makes me feel so much better about my future kids.
    • Hi daddy, just wanted to say thank you for marrying my mother- she really is great. Have the bestest of birthdays!

     

    Silly Birthday Messages for your Boyfriend

    • Hey, honey: I know you birthday is almost over, but this is what you get for forgetting my birthday. I guess you have learnt your lesson now. Happy birthday, my love.
    • Remember how you told me that you want a Rolex watch as your birthday present? Well, I realized that it was meaningless, so you are getting nothing. Wish you a very happy birthday, baby.
    • It is wonderful how you look younger with every year passing. Soon, I might go to jail for dating a teenager. Happy birthday, sweetheart. May you stay young in your heart.
    Love you, Birthday Boy!
    Love you, Birthday Boy!
    • To my dearest, sexy boyfriend: I just want to say that I really do love you with all my ___insert body part of interest here___. Happy birthday, babe.
    • Hi handsome, I know surprise parties aren’t your thing, plus I can’t keep a secret. So let’s just enjoy the company of being together and celebrating another year of this happiness. I love you and happy birthday. You’re the best boyfriend ever.
    • Babe, I’ve never met anyone more committed and focused to snack munching and TV watching than you. Congrats on all your biggest accomplishments. Of course, your best one is me.

     

    Funny Happy Birthday Messages for your Girlfriend

    • Remember the time I said birthdays are for kids? Well, Happy birthday, my love. Hope you continue to spread that glorious smile of yours to everyone around you, even if that seriously tires your jaw.
    • There is not nearly enough times when I have told you how beautiful , caring and amazing you are. Do not listen to the people who say I am compulsive liar, they are just jealous that I have you. Happy birthday, baby.
    Today, you have made me grateful that I'm not the oldest person here.
    Today, you have made me grateful that I’m not the oldest person here.
    • Hey girlfriend, I’m so excited that you chose to spend the day with me rather than your actual ‘girlfriends’. It’s makes me feel so special. I’m so glad I found you and that we are the same type of weird. The world will never break us apart.
    • I thought of buying you flowers but they are so low in calories that this box of chocolates won. Love you a lot, let’s get a bit less thin today.
    • To my amazing girlfriend: don’t worry about age, another year older is just another year you look hotter to me. I love you lots, baby.

     


    Q&A Birthday Jokes

    Q: Do you by any chance know what constantly goes up, but never ever comes down?
    A: Your ever-growing age!

    Q: What does the average cat love to eat at her birthday party?
    A: Mice cream.

    Q: What do Jesus Christ and Abraham Lincoln both have in common?
    A: They were both born on public holidays.

    Q: What do people who have the most birthdays have in common?
    A: Old age.

    Q: Why did couples have problems with each other before the 2000s?
    A: Because Facebook reminder didn’t exist at that time to remind them of their partners’ birthdays.

    Q: What happened to all the guests at Kim Jong-un’s birthday party bash?
    A: Kim nuked them all so he wouldn’t share his cake with anyone!

    Q: What do chickens love to eat at their birthday parties?
    A: Coop-cakes!

    Q: Where can you find the best birthday present for your cat?
    A: Inside a cat-alogue!

    Q: What kills a person faster than cancer?
    A: Too many birthdays!

    Q: What type of cake was served at the birthday party of Penny from the Big Bang Theory?
    A: Cheese cake.

    Q: What gift do you always receive on your birthday?
    A: A brand new age.

     

    You Know You’re Old when… 

    • …the numerous candles on your birthday cake not only become more expensive than your cake itself, but also negatively impact the environment.
    • …kids feel safe to tell you their secrets because they know you will end up forgetting them.
    • …a teenager refers to you as a middle-aged man/woman.
    • …your mates start having children on purpose and not accidentally.
    • …people assume the first pet you ever owned was a dinosaur.
    You know you're old when people assume the first pet you ever owned was a dinosaur.
    You know you’re old when people assume the first pet you ever owned was a dinosaur. Happy Birthday.
    • …your favorite songs are now elevator music.
    • …you see a smoking hot girl in bikini and the first thought that crosses your mind is, “I hope she’s wearing sun block”.
    • …all your favorite sportsmen and women have retired.
    • …it takes forever to scroll down to choose your year of birth on a website.
    • …the candles on your cake create a bonfire.
    • …your mates start running for president and other public offices.
    • …the once adorable Karate Kid is now an old man.
    • …you start feeling sleepy at the same time you used to go out at night to have fun.
    • …your fridge consists of more food than beer.
    You know you're old when… your fridge consists of more food than beer.
    You know you’re old when… your fridge consists of more food than beer.
    • …teenagers start mistaking you for the legendary Keith Richards.
    • …that adorable kid you used to baby sit is no longer a kid.
    • …a Donna Summer song brings back a lot of memories.
    • …prefer eating in than eating out.
    • …you fall down and die when someone tells you to act your age.
    • …you feel there’s nothing left in life to learn.
    • …in your childhood, Blackberry and Apple were nothing more than fruits.
    • …you start worrying about how you’ll pay your mortgage.
    • …acne problems are a thing of the past.
    You know you're old when… a Donna Summer song brings back a lot of memories
    You know you’re old when… a Donna Summer song brings back a lot of memories.
    • …birthdays remind you something to be forgotten.
    • …you lie about your age or are tempted to do so.
    • …your patronage of condoms begins to drastically decline.
    • …you start finding teenagers’ birthday parties annoying and repulsive.
    • …your loved ones keep telling you how young you look.
    • …hostage takers are not interested in taking you hostage.
    • …your friends pay firefighters to be on standby for your birthday bash because they are afraid your birthday candles might cause a disaster.
    • …you search everywhere for your reading glasses when it is on your head.
    • …if you have ever attended a Beatles concert.
    • …marketers start targeting you with anti-aging wrinkle creams.
    • …you can date someone half your age without breaking any man-made laws.
    • …your neighbors don’t even know it when you organize a party.
    • …your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them or have died.
    • …you finally know where your prostate is located.
    • …you once used telegraphs to send messages to your loved ones in faraway places.

     

    Funny to Celebrate My Special Day | Short Jokes about your own Birthday

    • It is my birthday and I have no doubt in my mind that this is nature’s way of telling me to eat more cakes!
    • I guess this is the year I should start lying about my age. Happy birthday to me!
    • Wishing myself a super duper birthday! I hope my friends remember my birthday and not my age.
    • At this age, I don’t need to worry much about temptation because it is no longer interested in me.
    • Blowing out the candles on my birthday cake was indeed one heck of a good exercise for my lungs.
    • Today I understand why the word “birthday” ends with the letter Y!
    • They say the good die young. If that is true, then I must be a really bad a**. Happy birthday to me!
    • Today is my birthday and I’m another year closer to my death yet my family and friends are happy for me. What a terribly strange world we live in.
    • Few years ago, I fell down on the street and people laughed at me. However, today I fell and everyone was in a state of panic. I guess this means I’ve become an Old Timer. Happy birthday to me.
    • Today is my Big Day, and I’m proud to announce to the world that I don’t look a day over my actual age. Isn’t that awesome?!
    • On my birthday, I plead with all my friends who really love me to refrain from making any age-related jokes.
    • I am officially a year older today and I’m not bothered at all about that because I know my age is just the number of years that I have been a blessing to this world.
    • On my Big Day, I’m going to party in such a wild manner that many religions will waste no time condemning me straight to hell.
    • It is my birthday today, and I have every right to support wildlife by organizing a wild party.

    Hilarious Birthday Quotes For Your Son

    • Dear son, although your birthday couldn’t rise to the prestigious status of national holiday, your mom and I will try to treat it as one. Maybe you should become president to make that happen.
    • Son, your taste, like your ken, has advanced in sophistication; so finding a gift for you was difficult. We hope you are not offended that we went with the basics — cakes!
    • I hope that the candles didn’t make you extremely hot for the new girls on the block. I don’t think they would mind, anyways! Happy birthday, my dear.
    • If you were a politician, your party color would be neither red nor blue but white because you are such a maverick! Happy birthday to you, my dearest son.
    • We should share, equally, all those lovely presents because today is also my day of being a mother/father. Happy birthday to you, son. I love you.

    Absurd Birthday Messages For Your Daughter

    • Statisticians will consider your age insignificant, and just focus on counting your candles instead. But I know better than that! Happy birthday to my lovely daughter!
    • Your height is disproportional to your age, and makes me look like your younger sibling. But I love you, anyway. Keep soaring and growing, dear.
    • You are such a lovely, walking paradox; on the one hand, we are happy that you are growing, but on the other, we are reminded of how fast we are aging.
    • It seems like only yesterday when I ordered your first diaper change. Soon, the tables might turn, and you will order my last diaper change. Happy birthday, daughter!
    • Your mom/dad and I failed to name you appropriately. “Epitome of Beauty” is what should have been on your birth certificate.

    Funny Birthday Greetings For Your Niece

    • Good to see that you are making progress towards the ultimate prize of great grand motherhood, many wrinkles, and, to be honest, lots of charm. Enjoy your day!
    • May Santa visit you this year, making your pockets heavier than your weight; not the other way round, like he did last year. Wishing you a joyous birthday with love.
    • Happy birthday, my dear niece. You may eat all the candies and biscuits you want but will have to pay a tax of 80% to me. I love and miss you so much, my dear.
    • At this nubile age, be careful of charming, hipster boys; they are predictable, ravenous puppies who will go to anyone who has the bone. Happy birthday, my love.
    • My dear niece, I pray that you will be manumitted from the ostensibly in vogue shackles of social media. Here’s to a free life!

    Funny Birthday Messages For Your Nephew

    • I hope you are not going to keep shouting “mommy” like you did with a crying voice when you came out of the womb.  We love you so much, our precocious fellow. Have a blast!
    • I won a huge lottery on the day you were born, so please continue to bring me good luck each year with your charming smile. Happy birthday, my dear nephew.
    • Today, it will rain lots of ice cream, chocolate chip cookies, and peanut butter jelly sandwiches solely for your sweet tooth. Enjoy your day, darling.
    • Your parents are going to kill me today because you are about to be incredibly spoiled with amazing goodies! But it won’t hurt because I just can’t stop loving you.
    • I was usually the reluctant counselor when the young girlfriend had issues but now no more, because you can take care of things yourself. Happy birthday to my amazing, grown-up nephew!    

    Absurd Birthday Greetings For Your Workmate

    • You make recalcitrant managers and superiors appear like wee boys, at least in our heads! Truly, office work is less cumbersome when you are around. Happy birthday, mate!
    • The buzzing sound of your short-tempered Benz, which stops every quarter of a mile, is always an indication that it’s closing time. Thanks for the service, mate.
    • Your hard talk and spontaneous outbursts are always welcome distractions from the throes of office labor. Just tone them down a bit next time. Wishing you a fun-filled birthday, mate.
    • If you ever find yourself at the point where you are forced to choose between a quarter-life crisis and a mid-life crisis, opt for the former because not all crises are created equal. Have a blissful birthday. Happy birthday, mate.
    • If I could dismiss everybody from work and hire only you, I would. Your childlike heart, and mega brains make you so indispensable. Happy birthday, and have a blast!    

    Amusing Birthday Greetings For Your Grandma

    • Dear granny, I thought that your birthday won’t be special without me, but I realized that you have more beautiful, smart, and talented grand kids in your arsenal. May God continue to bless you.
    • Sweet grandma, I see that you are growing more youthful, athletic, and agile than most of us. We will love to have you on our baseball team this year. Wishing you a happy birthday!
    • Thank you for calling me out on my silly, puerile and dumb stuff. All the credit goes to you for grounding me in reality and making me a pragmatic person. Have a blast, grandma!
    • My dear granny, I want to be like you when I grow up, playing smart and invoking the “elderly clause” whenever I want to have things done my way. Wishing you a blissful birthday.     

    Ludicrous Birthday Quotes For Your Grandpa

    • Dear grandpa, as you blow your candles, please wish to become a superhero so that I can play with you all day long and on vacations! Sending you lots of love and cheer.
    • Granddad, thank you for keeping mom and pa in check whenever they won’t let me have my way. You are the best partner in crime a kid could ask for. Sending you lots of love.
    • Grandpa, this year, the candles on your cake will be too many for you to blow alone. You can hire me for a nominal fee to do this routine work for you. Have a great birthday!

    Hilarious Birthday Messages for all

    • Many happy returns! I believe you are officially able to be appraised on Antique Roadshow!
    • Happy Birthday to you. I hope you enjoy your day as much as I’ll enjoy eating free cake and ice cream.
    • Your birthday only comes once a year but the wrinkles it brings will last a lifetime.
    • If you were a dog…you’d be 7 times older than you are now! Think about it. Happy Birthday, Old Yeller!
    • That’s your birthday cake?! I thought we were having a bonfire in the middle of your dining room. Happy Birthday… should I call and cancel the fire department then?
    • Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Facebook told me it was your birthday and that I should write on your wall.
    • Happy Birthday from one of the most spectacular, sensational, wisest people you know. You are one-in-a-million.
    • My best wishes! I hope your husband treats you to a night out on the town–so you can enjoy having the house to yourself!
    Happy Birthday to you. I hope you enjoy your day as much as I'll enjoy eating free cake and ice cream.
    Happy Birthday to you. I hope you enjoy your day as much as I’ll enjoy eating free cake and ice cream.
    • Happy Birthday to someone who knows everything there is about me and STILL enjoys being my friend. I hope we have many more years of wild and crazy adventures together.
    • Did you know Chuck Norris was born on your birthday? Just kidding. That would be pretty kick butt though wouldn’t it? Your birthday is still on a pretty good day.
    • Wishing you the best! I would say you don’t look another year older but if I tell one lie now it might make anything else I say later on unbelievable. You look pretty good for your age!
    • If you were a grape I would stomp on you and make you into a delicious vintage wine. Happy Birthday, Friend!
    • The best part of birthday is the birthday cake. Wishing you the best. Where’s the cake?
    • Happy Birthday to a friend who I wouldn’t trade for all the Nutella in the world.
    • I couldn’t fit Channing Tatum in the box but I hope this gift will do. Happy Birthday to the future Mrs. Channing Tatum.
    • So I was watching Jurassic Park and I remembered it was your birthday. Happy Birthday, you old dinosaur!
    • I was watching Grumpier Old Men and I remembered it was your birthday. I hope we get put in the same room at our future nursing home. We would make some kick butt BINGO partners! We would clean up!
    • I have a particular set of skills. Skills that I have learned over a lengthy friendship with you. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you give me a piece of cake, I will leave. If you don’t, I will find your cake and I will blow out your candles.
    • Happy Birthday, my friend! I’m looking forward to getting together with you tonight to go over all of your Facebook birthday wishes from people that don’t give a rats behind about you the rest of the year.
    • On Wednesdays we wear pink. Happy Birthday, my totally fetch friend!
    • I’ll tell you a secret. I do believe it’s somebody’s birthday and just in case that person is you, Happy Birthday.
    • Happy Birthday to someone who remembers how to do the ‘Macarena’.
    Happy Birthday to someone who remembers how to do the ‘Macarena’.
    Happy Birthday to someone who remembers how to do the ‘Macarena’.
    • Stop crying. This is supposed to be a joyous occasion where we fill up on divine birthday cake and drink good cheer. Celebrate in merriment the day of your birth into this lustrous world. Forget the wrinkles, sore joints, forgetfulness, and gray hair. Happiest of Happy Birthday to you, dear friend!
    • If someone asks if you’re a God, you say ‘YES!’ . If you don’t Mr. Stay Puft will wreck havoc on our town. That was life lesson #1, right? Happy Birthday to a friend who is fluent in movie quotes just like me.
    • Happy Birthday to someone good looking, super smart, charismatic, and charming. Wait…I meant FROM someone.
    • Best wishes. You’re not THAT old. You’re just getting up there. In the words of Elsa, “Let it go! Let it go!”
    • Your 21st Birthday party was SO successful you decided to celebrate it for more than 20 years in a row!
    • I was thinking about it and I think if someone was to make a movie about your life, Linda Blair would be perfect to play you.
    • You know that old sang the older you are the wiser you are? I used to think it was true but then I met you! Just kidding, friend. Happy Birthday to you.
    Your 21st Birthday party was SO successful you decided to celebrate it for more than 20 years in a row!
    Your 21st Birthday party was SO successful you decided to celebrate it for more than 20 years in a row!
    • I was at the antique store downtown and I ran across one of the toys from your childhood that you always talk about. Happy Birthday and Congratulations to someone who is old enough to have their childhood toys listed in the latest edition of the Kovel’s Antique Guide! Well done!
    • When you get to be your age you really should just throw caution to the wind and go “Why the hell not?!”. You are only young once! Go skydiving! Go skinny dipping in Tahiti! Go for a leisurely stroll up Mt. Everest.
    • Of all the people celebrating their birthday today, you are the least likely to be called “young” by a door-to-door salesman. Enjoy your day!
    • Happy Birthday to someone who is getting more valuable and better with age! Oh wait–that’s wine. Happy Birthday to someone who is just getting old!
    • Just to let you know that getting older doesn’t necessarily mean you have to grow up. You can always be a ‘Toys R’ Us’ kid who wears scrunchy socks, jelly shoes, and drives a Big Wheel.
    • Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! You act like a monkey and you smell like a mountain goat. I think that means you belong in a zoo!
    • Happy Birthday to someone I am proud to say will ALWAYS be older than me. I love having you as my friend, even if it is only to make myself feel better about my age.
    • I know you’re not thirty, flirty, and thriving but hey you’re still driving! You’re not in too bad of shape.

    Wrap-up

    Once you have come up with the perfect birthday greeting for your friend, it is time to figure out how to send it. Written birthday cards are becoming a thing of the past but they seem to be more appreciated because of the care and time it takes to write out the card. Email and text message birthday greetings are perfectly acceptable, however, less personal. They are fast and easy to type and send. If you remember a birthday and are in the middle of a busy day it might be good to quickly send out a quick email or text so that you have your bases covered if you forget to call or send a handwritten greeting later on.


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